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How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk | 
 enlarge | Authors: Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish
Publisher: Collins Living
Category: Book
List Price: $15.95
Buy New: $8.74
You Save: $7.21 (45%)
New (55) Used (33) Collectible (1) from $7.00
Rating:  188 reviews
Sales Rank: 201
Media: Paperback
Edition: 20
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 286
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.5
Dimensions (in): 8 x 5.1 x 0.8
ISBN: 0380811960
Dewey Decimal Number: 649.1
EAN: 9780380811960
ASIN: 0380811960
Publication Date: October 1, 1999
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
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Amazon.com Review
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk is an excellent communication tool kit based on a series of workshops developed by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. Faber and Mazlish (coauthors of Siblings Without Rivalry) provide a step-by-step approach to improving relationships in your house. The "Reminder" pages, helpful cartoon illustrations, and excellent exercises will improve your ability as a parent to talk and problem-solve with your children. The book can be used alone or in parenting groups, and the solid tools provided are appropriate for kids of all ages.
Product Description
You Can Stop Fighting With Your ChildrenHere is the bestselling book that will give you the know-how you need to be more effective with your children--and more supportive of yourself. Enthusiastically praised by parents and professionals around the world, the down-to-earth, respectful approach of Faber and Mazlish makes relationships with children of all ages less stressful and more rewarding. Now, in this Twentieth Anniversary Edition, these award-winning experts share their latest insights and suggestions based upon feedback they've received over the years. Their methods of communication-illustrated with delightful cartoons showing the skills in action-offer innovative ways to solve common problems. You'll learn how to: - Cope with your child's negative feelings-frustration, disappointment, anger, etc.
- Express your anger without being hurtful
- Engage your child's willing cooperation
- Set firm limits and still maintain goodwill
- Use alternatives to punishment
- Resolve family conflicts peacefully
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| Customer Reviews: Read 183 more reviews...
 True Heirs of Ginott December 14, 2008
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
Reading this somewhat dated, self-help-centered, yet ultimately brilliant book reminded me of discussing a thorny subject with an eccentric college professor: He or she might be disorganized and a bit unconventional but the luminance of (presumed!) great ideas shines through. As for actual professors, the authors fully acknowledge their debt to legendary child development specialist Haim Ginott -- they were students of his -- and can be given full credit for extending his work in important areas: in this case, adult/child communication.
The ideas introduced here -- first published in 1980, but still more than relevant as of this writing (2008) -- are truly revolutionary. Consider that punitive punishment, not to mention corporal discipline ("spare the rod ...") is not only ineffective but actually counter-productive (and incidentally has nothing to do with being a "soft" or "tough" parent). Responding to children's questions not with lectures but with more questions and affirmations often opens them up (e.g., children often ask questions as a means to introducing a topic). And my personal favorite: instead of undercutting or contradicting how a child is obviously feeling ("oh, cheer up!"), do everything you can to help him or her drink in these emotions; they'll learn what emotions are for, how to identify them and develop a healthy perspective toward them in general.
These are, of course, just examples; the authors have many more, covering nearly every conceivable aspect of parent/child communication. Faber and Mazlish also keep a brisk, simple style throughout that only occasionally become TOO brisk and simple (see below). Their examples are highly relevant, if occasionally a little cheesy; I didn't count, but I'd wager more than half the book is either anecdotes or exercises - but all to good purpose.
On the downside, organization is not a strong suit. Many discussions meander between multiple topics where a strong focus - given the underlying ideas - would have been especially welcome. Even without this being an update to an earlier edition, many sections feel padded: space for exercises is probably justified, but letters from previous readers - though often interesting - could clearly have been edited down. And inclusion of simply-drawn cartoons that only reiterate points made in the text imposes a sappy "teacher's edition" feel that -- to me -- detracts from the importance of the subject.
A more serious objection is actually almost tautological: that this book is clearly geared toward parents (and their children) who *need* help and have probably been engaging in behavior that the authors specifically attempt to remedy. This may seem obvious -- not least from the book title -- but since it isn't explicitly mentioned I would caution parents *without* specific difficulties that this is *not* a "parenting manual." Many of the techniques mentioned ("Alternatives to Punishment") are specifically geared toward breaking bad habits, not necessarily cementing good ones from scratch. Parents interested in the latter need to read the lessons and examples carefully - and in many cases adapt them to their situation. To be fair, the authors mention the need for personal adaptation - but not in this context.
Even with all this carping, "How to Talk ..." is an excellent choice for parents wanting to effectively communicate with their children -- not to mention preparing them for a satisfying emotional life and strong interpersonal relationships. Faber and Mazlish can take pride in extending Mr. Ginott's ideas and opening the same to entire new audiences.
 I love this book and give it to lots of my clents! December 13, 2008
I am a clinical psychologist and I first found this book over 30 years ago. I have used it with clients who were abused as children to create a better relationship. My mother-in-law watched my kids once a week when they were small. We both read it. When we drifted of course we would read it again - and she had already raised 5 kids! I got one for my sister and she posted the chapter summaries on her bathroom mirror and her friends kept asking for copies! and it has great cartoons.[All their books are great. I recommend them in my book. [.ASIN:0425193950 Happily Married With Kids]]
A Classic for Raising Children November 29, 2008
Every parent needs to read this book to truly learn how to talk and listen to their kids. Communication is at the heart of powerful parenting and this book shows you how. Practical and based on srong psychological principles...one will find that raising children is indeed an art that can be learned.
A Must Have Parenting Guide! November 24, 2008
Faber and Mazlish have provided us with an inside look at parent child relationships. "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" gives us the necessary communication skills to help our kids grow into confident and self sufficient adults. Listening is the number one skill to effective parenting so listen to your kids and they will listen to you.
-Tenaya Jacob, author of "Seasonings of the Soul."
 Bunch of Rubbish November 18, 2008
4 out of 8 found this review helpful
I bought this book many years ago when our youngest who is now 19 was 3 or 4. It is the typical modern psycho-babble about trying to understand your kids etc. Useless trash. You are much better off going with John Rosemond's "Six Point Plan to Raising Happy Healthy Children". Much more effective tools and practical.
We have 7 children and Rosemond's books were very helpful. If I would have tried to follow the advise in this book, I would have had a nervous breakdown by now.
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